Pack up the Tents

we have moved many times.  how many?  many...
it's been in a time period of 20 years...
and here we go again.  and it is good.
and it is clear.
we have been in southern ca for 5 years now.  we came from the central coast with a job transfer.  we said "oh Lord, we will go anywhere but l.a."  hence why we are in l.a.
and it's been hard.
and it's been good.

we are transferred again to a mountain area.  we are going to be mountain people.  imagine.  we will live on a strong slanted hill where it would really be a bad idea to sled down it considering it's a pretty busy road at the bottom.  we won't really have a yard, but the forest is close, right??  checked out the library and it looks like it will be a good fit for our family.  small town libraries are the best.  it is a 950 sq. ft. cabin.  3 bedrooms.  2 bathrooms. (that part is a gift from the Lord - thank you)

i feel like the Lord has told us, "pack up your tents.  time to go.  your work is done here and I've got things for you to do".
and it brings a big sigh.
this probably has a lot to do with the fact that our two oldest boys have lived in the back yard in a
ti pi for the last year and half - yes, by choice.  they wanted to brave the storms of winter and the blazing heat of summer.  we learned we were moving so one afternoon while the ti pi was dry it was time for it to come down and for the men to move back inside like civilized folk.  terribly hard to sleep for the first few nights with having a comfortable bed and all.  the ti pi came down, was rolled up and packed away for a indefinite time until it comes out of the "long term storage" pile for the next set of adventures, late night book readings and midnight rat captures.

this last five years living in this city life place has been a huge season of loss for us.  loss of our babies, loss of three amazingly loving grandparents, loss of a relationship of one dearly loved & missed, loss of friends, loss of a child of a friend, loss of health for several that we love.  it has been a heavy season. it has been a growing season.  a season of listening.  a season of waiting.  a season of questioning.
and we still have hope.
hope in our Savior.
trust in his plan for us...

i keep thinking of calling my grandfather to tell him of the new things going on and he isn't there.  but still, his christmas present sits on the mantle wrapped...i think i will leave it a bit longer.  not ready to move it yet... strange how it takes so long to adjust.

i seek the Lord, searching His Word, asking for a word from Him.   i wait...ask Him to release me from the fear that i have entangled myself in.  asking Him to heal the holes in my heart knowing and trusting that He patch it perfectly.

i look forward in anticipation of what He is leading us to.

it has also been a season of joy...
we have been so blessed to have our family grow with a son-in-law and a bright, blue-eyed baby grandson.
blessed by our neighborhood,
blessed by our lay-hands-on-you-and-pray-in-the-name-of-Jesus-neighbors.  (yes! that's you!)
       by this we have been most blessed; people confident in our God's good and perfect plan for each one of us.
blessed by the home fellowship group we have been able to be a part of and for the dear friendships made there that we hope will last a lifetime.
we have had the great joy of a growing and loving marriage - soon to be 20 years.
of reunited friendships,
a special relationship with a most dear auntie & uncle,
time with our folks,
and now a season on mountain living.
we are truly blessed.

our sweet "baby girl" & our grandbaby

Have You Suffered For Nothing?

i ran into a girlfriend at the orthodontist yesterday.  she was willing to have a cup of spontaneous tea with me.  what a treat!  we sat for a couple of cups and caught up on life.  she asked me about a piece of art work that i made several years ago.  art wise i think it was a good piece.  mixed media stuff.  i was happy with the layout, layers, etc.  what it said was completely different.  i was at one of my very lowest points.  lonely.  self focused.  not realizing that i was self focused which of course always increases the self inflicted pain that causes.  i felt like i had been hit by a truck, left in the gutter.  kind of like that pitiful cat from the musical CATS.  seen that?  remember her?  gnarled and all.  as my littlest daughter would say "ba-lah.  blahhh!"  meaning ick.  down right ick ick ick.  it was sinful thinking.  and that my friends is ick.  what's that smell?  oh!  that's my disgusting flesh!

i didn't really share the turn from that piece of art work with my friend. so much has changed since than.  God has healed hurts.  restored relationships.  opened my eyes to His faithfulness to me.  restored the joy of my salvation.  blessed our family with unity.  provided a group of believers to fellowship with.  as my physical body slowly continues to heal from a couple of years of shakiness my soul feasts at the table of the King and i am ever so grateful for the fullness i feel in Him.

as i spent time in God's word this morning He brought me to galations 3:3-5.
"Are you so foolish?  after beginning with the Spirit, are you trying to attain your goal by human effort?  Have you suffered for nothing - if it really was for nothing?  does God give you His spirit and work miracles among you because you observe the law, or because you believed what you heard?"

i was struck by that "have you suffered for nothing?"  no!  i know that the trials that i have gone through, even the ones, mostly the ones, that were caused by my own selfishness, inward thinking, lack of service, fear, PRIDE (that one is the ugliest) judgment of others, control in my marriage, God will use this.  God is using this! as i have repented and have been given the gift of a repentant heart from the Lord i can share what the Spirit has taught me through His Word. if this brings anyone to the foot of Jesus, to the cross and they can have a repentant heart than i have not suffered for nothing.

a young gal i'm acquainted with lost her sweet baby boy just one month ago similarly to how i have lost my sweet daughter.  a mutual friend put us in contact with one another.  sharing with her the hope of heaven, that that's where our children are and the sharing the comfort that Jesus brings.  that made it so my suffering was not for nothing.  may God be glorified even in our pain.  may we rejoice as we know that "trials of many kinds develop perseverance.  perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  i still long for and miss all my babies i have lost, but i am able to see the many blessings that have come out of that hurt.  one of those blessings being how drastically our perspective on children changed to what a blessing they really are!  God used this to change even our words with our children.  how we talk to them and how we talk about them.  even in a joking manner.  we want to, and try to lift our children up with our words..  not tear them down by saying ill words.  we value them in such a different way and try to take our responsibility seriously as we understand it in God's word.

i often wonder why in the world should i write?  isn't there a book already out there on just about everything?  don't we have thoughts and opinions spread all through out this world?  why in the world would anything i say be different than the next gal?  my husband answered this for me.  sometimes he has to speak in "joanna language".  especially when we are talking math, money craziness.  he puts it into words i can get with my artistic brain.  he told me to write because maybe someone will hear the love of Jesus in their language.  maybe God will use me.  Lord please use me.

final thoughts...the trial you are going through right now, God can use this.  will you allow Him too?  is your suffering for nothing?  often it is so hard to see what some of the blessings are on the others side of the trial.  remembering that our Lord is faithful, has been, is now, always will be, this is some of the truth that we need to focus on.  not the feelings of "ugh, i'm sinking in this".  i am trusting more.  trusting, believing.  knowing that there is a specific purpose for the road God has us walk. are you going to trust that He has you on the road you're on for a reason?