And the Curtain Closes...

you know how when you are the symphony and the musicians play such an amazing song...  it moves your whole body.  your hands wring with emotions, your eyes swell with tears unable to keep them from falling.  you feel it in your chest and neck trying to keep from sobbing of all that stirs within.  the song ends.
you jump to your feet. bravo!  bravo!  clapping with all you can.  you shout encore! encore!
once again  the performers give just the last several measures of what they had just triumphantly completed - bravo! bravo!

and then it's over....
that's it...
you sit...
try to gain composure.
the last song has been played.  it's time to get up, take a deep breathe and move on.
the curtain closes.

this happened as i sat for the last performance my sweet "baby girl" played her violin in the symphony orchestra.

it happened again tonight.

tonight a man came with excitement to pick up our piano.
as he came in my girl was triumphantly playing "joyful joyful".  i stood there in the room staring at her - tears streaming, flooding down my cheeks.
she can play this piece amazingly.  and i love it.  every time, i love it.  every thousand times, i love it.  she plays with passion, with all that she has.  sometimes i wonder how the keys can with stand the amount of passion that's played on them...  but they do and they lift the sound of praise to our Heavenly Father.
i'm in awe.  looking at this girl who has grown to be a young woman.  so musical.  so talented.  and i cry knowing that hearing that, seeing that in my life every day is coming to an end.  the piano now gone.  just a year and a half ago our oldest daughter was wed and started her own family.  the sound of the violin left.
it's not just the music of course - it is the ones who play it...
they grow up.  the seasons change...

hours and hours and hours, the children have played music.
piano, violin, cello, mandolin, a little bit of accordion, ukulele, drums, guitars, banjo,
it's just been part of the atmosphere of our home.
and it's changing...

it's ok.  there will still be music.
i am sure someday there will be another piano and the littlest girl (who is three right now) will make "joyful joyful" sounds on it as well.

i am grateful for the sweet gift of music in our home.

thank you Lord for blessing our house with song.  constant song.
thank you for the joy it brings and the millions of memories that come over me when i hear certain songs.  especially the ones my children have played over and over again.
Father God - please Lord - help me never to forget the joy of my children playing songs.  beautiful ones, off key ones, just learning songs, noisy songs - and please let me never forget the sound of their voices singing to YOU.
and Lord, as the curtain has closed with that little brown piano on the other side, please don't let me forget and please don't let them stop playing...
amen.

Pack up the Tents

we have moved many times.  how many?  many...
it's been in a time period of 20 years...
and here we go again.  and it is good.
and it is clear.
we have been in southern ca for 5 years now.  we came from the central coast with a job transfer.  we said "oh Lord, we will go anywhere but l.a."  hence why we are in l.a.
and it's been hard.
and it's been good.

we are transferred again to a mountain area.  we are going to be mountain people.  imagine.  we will live on a strong slanted hill where it would really be a bad idea to sled down it considering it's a pretty busy road at the bottom.  we won't really have a yard, but the forest is close, right??  checked out the library and it looks like it will be a good fit for our family.  small town libraries are the best.  it is a 950 sq. ft. cabin.  3 bedrooms.  2 bathrooms. (that part is a gift from the Lord - thank you)

i feel like the Lord has told us, "pack up your tents.  time to go.  your work is done here and I've got things for you to do".
and it brings a big sigh.
this probably has a lot to do with the fact that our two oldest boys have lived in the back yard in a
ti pi for the last year and half - yes, by choice.  they wanted to brave the storms of winter and the blazing heat of summer.  we learned we were moving so one afternoon while the ti pi was dry it was time for it to come down and for the men to move back inside like civilized folk.  terribly hard to sleep for the first few nights with having a comfortable bed and all.  the ti pi came down, was rolled up and packed away for a indefinite time until it comes out of the "long term storage" pile for the next set of adventures, late night book readings and midnight rat captures.

this last five years living in this city life place has been a huge season of loss for us.  loss of our babies, loss of three amazingly loving grandparents, loss of a relationship of one dearly loved & missed, loss of friends, loss of a child of a friend, loss of health for several that we love.  it has been a heavy season. it has been a growing season.  a season of listening.  a season of waiting.  a season of questioning.
and we still have hope.
hope in our Savior.
trust in his plan for us...

i keep thinking of calling my grandfather to tell him of the new things going on and he isn't there.  but still, his christmas present sits on the mantle wrapped...i think i will leave it a bit longer.  not ready to move it yet... strange how it takes so long to adjust.

i seek the Lord, searching His Word, asking for a word from Him.   i wait...ask Him to release me from the fear that i have entangled myself in.  asking Him to heal the holes in my heart knowing and trusting that He patch it perfectly.

i look forward in anticipation of what He is leading us to.

it has also been a season of joy...
we have been so blessed to have our family grow with a son-in-law and a bright, blue-eyed baby grandson.
blessed by our neighborhood,
blessed by our lay-hands-on-you-and-pray-in-the-name-of-Jesus-neighbors.  (yes! that's you!)
       by this we have been most blessed; people confident in our God's good and perfect plan for each one of us.
blessed by the home fellowship group we have been able to be a part of and for the dear friendships made there that we hope will last a lifetime.
we have had the great joy of a growing and loving marriage - soon to be 20 years.
of reunited friendships,
a special relationship with a most dear auntie & uncle,
time with our folks,
and now a season on mountain living.
we are truly blessed.

our sweet "baby girl" & our grandbaby

BFF

it's crazy at times... the ways emotions can roll in like the waves.  little wave. little wave.  whoa!!! watch out wave.

my best friend is moving.
my BFF.
my drop everything, drop to our knees , we gotta pray type of BFF.
my let's have coffee for hours, talk, read, pray.
that's the one.
her.

the funny thing is, is that i'm the one who moved five years ago.  i can still see her as i got into my big red excursion with all six of my children of various heights and ages strapped in.  she was bawling.  not just bawling but bawwlllinng...  and now.  here's me.  even though we are miles apart we are still on this same side of the country.  the same state.  the same "edge of the map".  and i am picturing her getting into the big car -  a truck most likely - and i'm bawwwllllinnng.   i am so happy for her.  i am so sad...

that's what we do though right?  we change seasons.  our coffee season was like this.  we meet pretty faithfully once a week for coffee (jonoe).  we talked.  we laughed.  we cried.  we read our Bibles.  we prayed.  we rolled on the floor in the coffee shop holding our bellies from laughing so hard.  we drank gallons of coffee.  "coffee IV please. chair 1"

we did this for about 9 years.  seriously.  9 years.  in crisis times, which of course basically means ill perception of what it was/is that God has called us to do, we met more than once a week.

this is probably one of the biggest gifts i have ever received in my life.
with this friend, i know that i am excepted.  i am loved.  i am reminded, know and BELIEVE that God loves me.  that His son Jesus loves me.  i am reminded of truth.  of what really matters.

this is my best friend.

dear sweet gal on the other side of the map...
here she is.
she's amazing.
she loves Jesus.
she sings.
she's big into excersize. - (i know that's weird.  don't tell her.  it makes her happy.)
there's so much....

this i know.  God's timing is always perfect.
He is the changer of the seasons.
Father, please go forth of my BFF.
provide for her and her family.
Lord, when she is settling in to her new little nest, please send a flock of friends.  the ones who love you.  the ones who will challenge her in her faith.  the ones who will share this next season with her.
and Lord....there is still another BFF of hers and mine that will be in that little country town.  Father God, please more than ever, be that BFF to her that she needs.  we trust you Lord - with everything.
amen.